It has become a very common notion that all sexual encounters must end with an orgasm for both people involved. You see this message spread across all forms of social media; TikTok, Instagram, and even Twitter seem to be methods employed to fast spread the false notion that sex must always equal an orgasm. At the end of the day, this simply is not true. It’s important, for your sexual health and happiness, to understand that sex can be a fun bonding activity that does not necessarily have to result in an orgasm.

While sexual encounters don’t always have to be between two (or more) people who are in love with each other, they should certainly happen between two people who respect and understand each other. And, knowing that sex can be fun without an orgasm at the end is a big part of that ‘understanding’ piece. Sure, it’s always nice and it feels amazing when you are able to experience an orgasm. Going into the act with the full pressure that you will reach an orgasm puts unnecessary stress on those involved, and it can set you up for failure if you both feel overly pressured. Let’s look at a couple of ways you can end a sexual encounter with or without it resulting in both parties experiencing an orgasm.

Sexual contact should involve mutual passion and excitement, but it’s okay if it doesn’t result in an orgasm for both people. Perhaps you and your partner have reached a moment where one of you has orgasmed but the other hasn’t. That’s okay! At that moment you two can mutually decide if you would like to continue or if you would like to take a break and perhaps come back to it another time or day when you are feeling the mood again. What is important is that you enjoy the moment, allow your partner to enjoy the moment, and leave off with a positive note so you both look forward to more in the future.

 

Now, it’s important to note that it is essential for you and your partner to be very upfront and honest with each other. For example, if your partner has an orgasm and is fine relaxing and not continuing, you may need to vocalise that you were hoping to also reach an orgasm. Or, if you are also feeling tired you may let your partner know that you’re fine pausing and engaging in sex with them at another time. What is important here is that both of you feel taken care of‒ either physically, emotionally, or both. You wouldn’t want to fall into a rut where your partner thinks it is never important for you to reach an orgasm. At the same time, you don't want to put unnecessary pressure on your relationship that you both are able to orgasm every single time. That can really take the fun out of it!

There may be circumstances where you, or your partner, have an orgasm but are not physically able to move forward with penetrative sex. It’s something most, if not all, of us have encountered! If you are still in the mood, and your partner is willing, a healthy conversation about how to pleasure you without penetration may be beneficial. You could empower them to get you off by showing them exactly how you pleasure yourself while they’re not around. Or, you could even make a fun tutorial out of allowing them to practice using your masturbation toys on you! Overall, you should feel as though you and your partner are on a team working towards the same goal of making each other comfortable and happy.